I had a weird experience, and I am going to blog about it.
There are any number of people in whom I can confide. I am sensible of this, and take full advantage of it. Unfortunately ("Repeatedly" and "Stupidly" would also be good sentence openers here) I have this tendency to turn to the support system around me before turning to God. With problems. With fear. With grudges.
And this is a problem because people
can't
fix
anything.
Shocker.
People, in and of themselves, are just as screwed up as I am (some of them more so). Yet we expect each other to be able to solve our problems.
Normally, all I really need is someone to talk to. A listening ear. And most people have two, which makes people ideally suited for that sort of task. But the times when listening won't change anything, when I need to be changed, there's nothing people can do to help.
I learned this lesson when I was about sixteen, when I talked about a problem with a Trusted Person, to realize as I walked away that nothing had happened.
I've been learning it again over the past month.
I tried to talk to a friend about something important--and couldn't. For the first time, I couldn't say a word about what I wanted to. Normally it is no problem whatsoever for me to talk about myself. I have a blog. It's inherent.
But I couldn't talk. I couldn't segue into the subject, I couldn't just blurt it out, nothing. Because really-- what I needed to talk about was no one's business but mine and God's.
My friends, great as they are, can't be my relationship buffers with Christ. This blog, useful as it is at times for self-expression, is no place for that conversation. When He and I have a problem, I have to talk to Him about it.
Even if it means keeping my mouth shut.
I'll learn.
