No Better Place

I want to say something and I'm not sure what it is. When this happens I write until it comes out; it's worked before, so I'll give it a shot here.

Whether home at school or home at home, one thing is becoming clearer and clearer as I get older:
I am not Home yet, not of this world, not meant to stay here.
There is a part of my heart that hurts when I think about it, but it is a hurt that I cannot and must not assuage.
I want to live my life so that I can look back from Home and say, "That was a good ride."

There's a lot that I want with this Life. It's a precious, sacred thing, and I try hard to appreciate it. Life comes from God, the natural result of the immensity of Love that He is. Such a Love cannot but cause new life to spring into being, for Love is of all other things creative. I want to fall in love, get married, have kids, go, do, be, work, walk, run, think, fly.
But I do not wish to forget why I am here.
I am here to do as He commands.
I am here to take the Love that created me, that created all of us, and hold it out with both hands to a world that has already rejected it.
It sounds...futile. It sounds like it will be painful. But I am finding that things that are worthwhile tend to bring pain with them, at least for a time. The flesh tends to cringe at the thought of the natural consequences that come with Being His. I think though that I am done listening to the flesh.

This is an excerpt from my journal, back in March:
"Let me be an invisible conduit, an unseen vessel for You....Let my name be coupled with Yours; let the two be inseparable. Let me be immersed, utterly submerged, in You....May the only impression I leave be one of You: make me invisible...
If I am extinguished, so be it. They do not notice the wick, only the flame."

I can't wait to get Home. Come with me. There's room.