2011

Something I thought of tonight:

I'm in my 20s. I will be in my 30s. (God willing.)

And then my 40s.

50s.

60s.

70s.

80s? (If I avoid the hereditary pitfalls of heart disease and cancer.)

23 years of it are gone, and they aren't coming back. I find myself thinking and planning and dreaming of "what I'm going to do when I grow up" as if I'm not here, living it, day by day, minute by minute. That's it. No do-overs.

Sometimes I have thought of this and been uncomfortable, and afraid, but now I am excited. Curious. Piqued. Oddly enough, secure. Not secure in definitions, or plans, but only in the fact that Life is here, and I am in it, and I'm not in control.

This Christmas has been wonderful, if not strictly Christmasy. I'm going back to school tomorrow, to teach classes I'm unprepared for and to pick up my freshly fixed car and to hug my roommates. I'll be finishing my Masters degree and missing out on my nephew's first steps and first words. I'll be helping plan a bunch of weddings and researching Life After School.

I'm not ready for it, but somewhere along the line that just stopped mattering to me quite so much. All I can do is what I know to do; the Lord will work out the rest.

So resolutions?

Discipline (Weddings! also, avoiding heart disease?)

Follow-through (no more using realized hangups as excuses to continue in them)

Prudence (financially. Hello, Sallie Mae, we are going to be friends.)

Welcome, welcome, Newest Year.

(oh and PS. 61 posts for 2010! somewhere around thanksgiving I stopped writing on here, and in my journal, and pretty much everywhere, but I don't even care. final resolution: to write because I wish to write, and when I wish to write, and to neither force nor deny the impulse. huzzah!)