Chuckles

I am sitting downstairs in my dad's office laughing. It is a good thing that everyone else in my home has gone to bed, else they might be perturbed by the maniacal cackles echoing from this room. I really am a dummy, guys. Really. I'm a dolt.
Allow me to explain. The devil has been beleaguering me with reminders of my unworthiness and weakness all week. Solid, tangible reminders. Abrasive, corrosive reminders. I spent that time thinking about how far I had come and how far I had fallen. He was rubbing it in my face. Somewhere in the midst of it I thought, "Why doesn't this ever seem to happen to anyone else?" or words to that effect.
Forgive my idiocy, readers. All four of you. I do not really wish to chronicle this, but I think it's good for me.
God, being who He is, was very kind. Very honest, blunt even, when I got around to taking this to Him, but gentle nonetheless. And today He reminded me of my complaint. "Why does this only happen to me? Why do I seem to perpetually fail? Why am I so weak?" Here is His response (and I quote):
"I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.
"For I delight in the law of God after the inward man:
"But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
"O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
"I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.
"There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit."
Romans 7:21-25, 8:1
He started with me in 7:5 and went til 8:17. But if I typed all of that on here I'd have carpal tunnel syndrome and no one would ever read this again. Paul dealt with it. Everyone deals with it. And to think otherwise is weak and, frankly, vain.

Why do I chuckle? I chuckle at my own blindness and gullibility-- it's not like I never read this before. I laugh with delight at the knowledge and security of the love of God. And I full-out guffaw at the damnable tricks that satan uses to make me believe I'm in bondage to him. I laugh at him. But I'm angry, too, that I wasted any time at all on him. Arg. but I don't dwell on it.
The way I felt today was kind of like a hug. One of those hugs that coaches give their players when they've tried hard and messed up. He laughed at me. A comfortable laugh that said, "Yeah, kid, I know."

I hate this post. I am being exceedingly random and what I wanted to say is irretrievably buried somewhere in this rubble. Hope you can salvage something from this. Maybe I'll just delete it. Or just post the entire book of Romans on here...it would make a heck of a lot more sense than this.
I will force myself to stop this madness now.