grownups

My best friend just got engaged. I’m wondering when I became old enough for that to happen.

It’s a milestone in one’s life, I think; that first friend to go. And it was she; the last one we ever thought would be the first one. I’ve watched them fall in love for the past six months and it’s been so amazing, in an odd, living-vicariously-through-someone-else kind of way. And tonight was the night—we crowded outside the elevators, waiting for her to get back to her dorm room, and screamed so that the shafts echoed as soon as the metal doors slid apart and we saw the smile on her face and the glint on her hand. Her face was bursting—she wanted to smile so much more than was physically possible—and she couldn’t stop grabbing us in those fierce best-friend hugs that make your throat choke and your eyes mist “but I’m not crying,” I sniff, “It’s just been raining on my face.” (God bless you flight of the conchords) And then to pile into her room and talk to Ja—her fiancé—and congratulate him…I’d never done that before tonight. Even though we all knew it was coming.

Anyway, yes. The bridesmaid dresses will be pool blue ruched empire waisted halter satin ball gowns. Enough adjectives to choke a cow, but they’re so pretty, and it’s a flattering cut. We’re still looking for hers. Like I said, we knew this was coming.

I don’t know what to do with myself. I know it’s silly, but the fact that I’ll be a bridesmaid twice this May, and the proliferation of relationships around me makes me wonder—did I miss something? What is it about this year, this summer, this semester, that has given all my friends this pair-off fever? More than that, where are they coming from? Relationships are cropping up out of nowhere; Cupid has traded in his bow and arrow for a sniper rifle.

And I'd kinda like to get shot... (? pardon the awkward conclusion to that metaphor...)

If anyone deserves it, it’s these two—and I am so happy for them I can’t express it. And for them all, for I perceive looming ahead of me a great many more pool blue ruched empire waisted halter satin ball gowns, or the rough equivalent. Life is happening, those Big Moments, and I don’t remember getting the memo that these things were on their way. They pretty much just showed up and made themselves at home. Which is fine, but it does leave me a bit breathless.

This has lost its point. But somehow I am okay with that.