Reality is a funny thing.
It's fluid, flexible, changes when you look at it from a different perspective. Currently I feel caught between a handful of different ones. None of these are easily or neatly classified; I can't pigeonhole them into "academic life", "social life", "spiritual life", and I feel split between them.
I could look at life in context of the scandal that is rocking my university right now, and live depressed. I could look at it in context of the relational confusions of friends, family, colleagues and be bewildered. I could see things as my father wants me to see them, and be unsure. I could see things the way everyone else sees them, and be soulless.
Or I could see things the way God sees them, and be at peace.
That is something that, if I ever had it, I have lost.
There is a time for talk and there is a time for silence, a time to inquire and a time to be still and wait for understanding.
There is a time to make jokes and there is a time for sobriety. Levity is not listed among the virtues, culture has paid it more than its due. There is a time to be small and a time to grow, and I cannot help but feel that I am overdue for growth.
Please do not read me wrong: this is no criticism of personal immaturity, dissatisfaction with self, et cetera. This is an acknowledgment of how things are, a nod to the reality that does not change, no matter where I stand. I have seen that there are some things I cannot get around, and it is time I stopped trying.
I only know to do what is given me to do.